Day 26 - Stable

There comes a time where everything is stable and everything seems like its okay and you will fight through until the end. Right now I feel pretty good, not great, but good. Everything is under control and I'm not failing anything...yet. I can do this, I can pass and complete everything. I can't wait for the moment I do, everything will be good. Or at least i'll have completed something. The top priority in all these things I'm doing is that I actually complete them, I don't want to be know as a drop out my whole life. Because even though they say you aren't judged by it, everyone does, and even though they say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, everyone does it because it's accepted because it's what we do, judge.

Judgement is something I want to incorporate into my story because I think it's something thats a big issue and is really interesting. I would love to incorporate so many things but I don't want to be overwhelming or over the top with pushing views on people or it to seem that way. It's interesting writing because you don't know what you'll change you just know you will. You learn a lot of things from writing, it's fun but also annoying...I'm realising I'm doing a lot of things wrong. Supposably you shouldn't just write from one idea because it doesn't lead you anywhere and just writing off the top of your head is harder than you think.

Back to the drawing (or should I say writing) board!

Days Left: 340 (ahhhh)

Day 21 - Reading.

Read. Read and read even more. That's what they say, that you should always be reading and you should keep on reading and never stop. Hmm, I need more books.

Day 20 - The big numbers

Once I hit 100 I think that is when I'm really going to start freaking out. You know what is sad though, I haven't had time to drive and get my hours up because I have to much work. Tafe and Uni are just taking over my life and it's starting to bug me. Thank goodness there is only 9 weeks left of tafe...but them comes the gross 3 weeks of work experience. Thats right...3 weeks of unpaid work at some place that will just take advantage of the situation. I feel so useless and sad because after this, all I'm going to have is some stupid piece of paper that proves only that I completed some stupid course. Yes. that is all.

So today, or should I say tonight, I'm going to do some research and a little bit of writing but not much as sleep awaits as it is an early morning tomorrow and that is always the worst. So this weekend I play to write and write and write. And also do some study for uni. Oh, and play netball. Oh and put stef's hair extentions in. Yep I think that's about it.

Day 19 - Nothing

It's when UNI and TAFE assignments start piling up and you realise that, oh, they are all due next week, and oh, I haven't started...whoops. It's in that moment you realise you should stop thinking about characters that don't exist and get onto real work...whoops. So that has been what I was doing, until I got some new software called... scrivener. Oh man, it's great. It's superb. It's totally worth writing just so I can use their software. Man, I don't know how I lived without it. And that, is that.

I have read a few articles on how writers get their ideas and laughed at what they said. Strangely enough I get my ideas by walking down the street and having conversations (in my head obviously or I would look quite the sight) with my characters, finding out about them and what they do. Yes, I realise they all come from my head, but for some strange reason I find out more when I make up scenes with them in it and either start writing it or just by asking a question or two. I almost make my characters seem human.

...reading over that I sound insane...I assure you, I am not, I am a writer with a very large imagination and I hear that is good in the writing world. Fancy that.

Day 17 - Software

So today I spent a large majority of my time looking up good writing software for apple computers. Sadly, everything costs money except 1. How annoying is that! Lucky the software "Jers Novel Writer" is one of the better ones. It's free and I am liking the look of it. But I would have much preferred some of the others. But life is hard and sometimes you just have to suck it in and take what you get.

Writing when you aren't motivated seems like the worst punishment someone can give you. You stare at an empty screen hoping the words would just appear themselves. It sucks and I hoping that loverly inspiration come soon because this is getting ridiculous!

Well, I'm off to stare at an empty screen...

Day 15 - A New Beginning

I told you I was a sponge and I was right, so very right. I went and saw a movie and came up with another idea for a book. I wrote the first paragraph and admired my work. I think I may have just changed subjects. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad but it's something new and I'm going to try it. I'm going to give this new book a try and who knows, I may get more out of it then what I was writing before.

So here goes, something new, something unexpected but invited. A new path it is. Wish me luck.

Day 14 - It's starting

The words are beginning to make sense and twists I put in actually have an end.

The train, I've come to realise, is the best place for story idea sparking. I watched how people talk, sit, react and I put my characters in their positions. I think people look at me strangely when I start to smile as I think of how a scene would play out. But I don't care because It's me not them...and they have no idea what they are missing out on.

Today I realised that each emotion is a story in itself. How you got there, how you cope with it, what you do with it, what happens after it. If you take a series of emotions your story would be a mess and you and your readers would be going on a roller coaster where there are too many loops that you feel sick. When writing you have to pick an emotion, a genre if I may. You may know this but me, well, I'm sort of learning as I go.

I'm tired. I'm sleepy. My eyes are trying to force themselves shut and are almost succeeding. I watched a movie tonight and the funny thing is, I am so influenced by the recent book or movie I read or watch, it's as I am a sponge that is regularly wrung out so I can absorb some more. It isn't good, I don't think, but I don't know how to stop. How do you stop being a sponge?

Day 11 - I'm Too Lazy

If there is one thing I am realising from this it is how lazy I am.
Today, or should I say tonight, I am writing this on my phone because
I can not be bothered to get up and go to my computer. The most
worrying thing is that I think you can't be very lazy if you're a
writer... So what hope do I have? Oh the joys and complications I have.

It's only day 9 and it feels like weeks. I have about 3 and a half
pages and I feel so incompentent (if that's even how you spell it).
Why can't I be better at more things, why does studying have to take
forever. My eyes are hurting and they are sore from looking at the
small screen so goodnight and sweet dreams

Day 10 - 10 things I have learnt so far

It's past a week now and it seems that the amount of things you can learn seems to stack up and overwhelm you. Not only am I liable to forget them but also to disregard them as useless. Which, when you think about it, is very silly. Years are like minuets that seem to fly by and sometimes you wonder how on earth you get by. Sometimes I wonder if time speeds or slows, I know I shall never know but it's always fun wondering.

1. Writing a book takes a whole heap longer than one thinks

2. Over looking mistakes take a lot of will power

3. Chris Morphew, the writer, is a very strange one, yet good.

4. I think I am obsessed with my hair...

5. I seem to like writing at night, maybe my thoughts are clearer or less complicated

6. The amount of work I signed up for is starting to get to me and is showing in my actions

7. 120 hours of driving sucks and I wish I had gotten my L's earlier

8. All those years of new year resolutions I never did keep one of them

9. Writing one paragraph at a time is possibly the worst writing method anyone has thought of.

10. You should always think before you say.

So many mistakes and lessons learnt. It is now time to write, excuse me while I clear my brain.

Day 9 - Unsuccessful

Sometimes I wish I could write my story in scenes and them at the end put them all together and voila story. I know I technically could, but I know that

1. It wouldn't work

2. I've tried it before and nothing comes out of it but a big mess of nothingness that ends up sucking

and for those reasons, and those reasons alone, I shall not continue with what I wanted to do.

I've always found that when a particular emotion is present in me, a story is the most inspiring time to write.  The only problem with that is I usually only think about it when I'm upset so everything is depressing. If only life was perfect and I could just sit down it all in one go.

It's a lot harder than I originally thought. The stopping and starting and then trying to remember the thinking space you were in where you left off...it's all very confusing and annoying.

357 days

Day 7 - Unsuccessful

I didn't write today and I don't have the head space or thought process to do it anyway. There are those days when nothing seems to come out and things don't seem to make sense and today, is one of those days. I'm not only disappointed in myself but upset.

But I guess life is life and will always be...life and there is nothing you can do about it...right?

359 days

Day 6 - Trains

I woke up early today. Very, very early. Too early. The worst thing? I have to do it again tomorrow...but earlier. Life, is unfair and some say you have to get use to it, I say you need to roll your eyes at it and try and find another path. Because what's life without a bit of fun?

I love that when you start writing things unravel and it's just like opening a new book, the excitement you feel when you find out yet another fact about your main characters and you get to put it into words. Oh the life of a writer is exciting. At the moment I am writing of the history of my main characters as you may be guessed and when I find so interesting is how somehow the words in my head don't come in my voice but theirs, almost as though they are telling me their story and I am not simply making it up. Ah now that just sounds like I have some problem. Oh well, let them think what they like.

The train is the best place for new characters and simply ideas. There are so many people and so many thoughts are going on in their heads. They say you can tell a mans income by the shoes, the watch and the briefcase. I tend to disagree. I think you can tell a man's wealth by the amount of papers he carries: A lot = not so well paid, Not many = well paid as he can afford to get someone else to do it for him.

Simple as that. And on the train is the best place for it. So many people wearing suits, you can always tell.

Early morning, so I shall hit the sack. Goodnight, Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!

360 days

Day 5 - Whoops

I did it already. I already skipped a day and I'm what...now 5 days in. I'm so disappointed in myself but I know it's not enough. I don't want to do it again, I can't miss a day of writing at the moment, I need to get this first draft finished, I need to know where the story is going and right now...I'm not to sure. Although with every word comes more information but with every words comes another question I'm going to have to answer. And the thing is, you have to answer the question fast or your story has a dead end, a mystery with no conclusion, because if the writer doesn't know where it is going, how is the reader going meant to have any clue?

Yesterday I was on the train and a girl was running from the transit officers and I was upset to think that nowadays we couldn't even spend the $2 to catch the train but we had to lie a deceive for something so small. I was ashamed to say that we were somewhat the same people. I just wish that wasn't where our generation is going but yet again, what can just one person do? Nothing.

I have come to the conclusion that the best thing I have learnt about writing is that when you read something good you have to ask yourself what is good about it? What makes it good? I know that when I read something I like I can instantly pick out the good things and for that I am glad. Glad that at least some writing courses has done some good.

So tonight I wrote, I wrote about the beginning, how it all started and I think I am starting to see where it is going. Which is exciting and scary at the same time. I have to write down everything inside of my head before it goes missing or plays a new tune, I just wish my hands had a better connection to my brain and could work faster...ah if only. I'll continue to write and keep you posted...all you people out there, if there is any of you that is. :)

361 days

Day 3 - Yet again

Late night writing was never my favourite time for writing but when you have to write each day it seems it's the best time. 302 words today, it's getting bigger and I think I'm starting to see where my story is headed. My characters are giving me some of their history and their future. Everything starts to make sense until I stop writing with another thing I need to find out. I think I stop writing at a point I have to go back and continue to write so I don't forget. I think I am giving myself way to much credit.

I use to write a bit of a story and show my Mum and ask her what she thought and she would ask where I thought the story would go and I would respond with, wherever the story wants to go. She would always laugh at my response and only today did I realise that it was a complete and utter valid answer. You start to write and then your mind gets going and words flash across your mind and you write as fast as you can to get them down and in the end your left with something that looks like a story. The story directs itself, not you.

I started UNI today, master in creative writing here I come. I hope. Essay writing was never a story point but writing nonetheless will be fun.

363 days - 4 drafts and 78,956 words to go